Christmas songs that make you go "Hmmm...."

Four Christmas songs are stuck in my head.

Deep in my cerebral cortex, or whatever they call that squishy part in the middle.

Like “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.”

What exactly is the deal here? This kid comes down the stairs and sees Mom making out with Santa?

Are they not then scarred for life? Thinking that not only is Mom cheating on Dad, but she’s doing it with the man who is supposed to be one of the kindest people on Earth?

Then, there’s “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”

I know I need to let it go. BUT I CAN’T.

First they mock him. Then they kick him out of their games. Then when times are tough, they come looking for him and beg for his help.

With friends like that…

Or how about “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”? At one point, they’re sharing scary ghost stories. Ghost stories! That’s Halloween! Just about two months too late, guys.

And don’t even get me started on “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”

A bunch of thugs invade my house on the premise of wishing me a happy holiday, then demand figgy pudding before they’ll go.

Well, first of all, I’ve never made figgy pudding. Wouldn’t even know where to start.

And, even if I did know how to make it, I wouldn’t. It sounds gross. Might as well call it lumpy pudding.

And, even if I did make it and did like it, why on Earth would I give it to you hooligans?

Now get out of my house before I throw a candy cane at you!

Quite a collection of songs, aren’t they? Infidelity, betrayal and blackmail.

Merry Christmas everyone!